Closer to God, Closer to Each Other - Colossians 3

Pastor Dan Walker, PhD, MDiv

Introduction: Why Closeness Fades in Christian Homes

Today we’re going to be talking about “Closer to God, Closer to Each Other.” Even in Christian homes, closeness often gives way to distance. Parents and children who love each other dearly can still drift apart. We drift apart through misunderstanding, busyness, or frustration.

Instead of connection, we settle for coexistence. Over time, family life becomes more about managing behavior than nurturing hearts. This distance robs the home of joy and peace. Children grow discouraged when they feel unseen or unvalued.

Parents grow weary when their efforts don’t seem to reach the hearts of their kids or their spouses. But God’s Word offers a better way, a way to grow closer as a family. When Christ shapes how we love at home, distance becomes closeness again. His love restores what our efforts cannot.

Let’s think about our families this way. Every home has a table. For some, it’s a gathering place filled with laughter, meals and conversation. For others, its more like a landmark, a reminder of what used to be.

Dinner used to mean connection, now it’s quick bites between activities. Sometimes one person eats early, another eats late, and the table sits mostly empty. We tell ourselves it’s just the season we’re in, but deep down, we something more is happening. We’re together under one roof, yet somehow far apart.

And it isn’t just dinner. It’s the conversations we don’t have, the prayers we no longer share, the unspoken discouragement that lingers in the air. We love each other but sometimes love feels like it’s gotten lost in the shuffle. Now, let’s turn from the problem and begin to find the solution in God’s Word to being Closer to God, Closer to Each Other.

Ephesians 4:2 (ESV) With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.

When do we need to bear with someone in our family? When they are doing or saying something that we don’t like, that we disagree with or that irritates us. God’s Word calls us to be humble, gentle, patient and loving.

Psalm 133:1 (ESV) Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!

Unity is more than being under the same roof, it’s about being of the same heart. United is being united in Christ, being brothers and sisters in the Lord.

John 13:34 (ESV) A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

Jesus commands that we love one another, those in our family, those in our church family and everyone else as well. We are to love, as Jesus love us, laying down His life for us. We can’t make our families grow closer by trying harder. But when Christ takes His rightful place in our homes, when His peace, patience and presence shape our words and attitudes, love grows naturally.

The table fills again, not just with food, but with love and closeness. As we continue our study of Colossians 3, we’re going to learn how all of our family relationships can be ruled by Christ’s peace, grace as we prayerfully depend on Him.

Love Each Other with Christlike Grace

Colossians 3:18 (ESV) Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Paul begins his household or family teaching by orienting relationships around Christ’s authority. The husband is to be the head of the home and the wife is to submit or follow his leadership. Submissions here means a voluntary posture of respect and following the husband’s direction. This submission is only as is fitting in the Lord.

If the husband’s leadership is not fitting with the Lord and His Word, then the wife must follow the Lord, not her husband. When spouses both choose to honor Christ first, love becomes mutual and full of grace.

Colossians 3:19 (ESV) Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

The word for how husbands are to love their wives in this verse is agape. Agape love is sacrificial, patient, self-giving, not demanding or arrogant. In Ephesians husbands are told to love their wives sacrificially as Christ loved the church. Husbands are warned not to be harsh with their wives.

A husband’s love for his wive must follow Christ’s gentleness. In a Christ-centered home, leadership looks like service, and affection sounds like kindness.

Colossians 3:20 (ESV) Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Next Paul turns to the responsibility of children. In a Christ-centered home, Christ is the head, the husband leads under Christ, the wive follows the husband leadership under Christ and the children submit to their parents in the Lord as well. Pail roots the obedience of children in worship. Children need to learn that honoring parents isn’t just about rules, but about pleasing Christ.

Parents should help their children see that obedience is part of discipleship, not control. Families grow closer when love is expressed through willing cooperation under the Lord, not in reluctant compliance.

Application: Daily Expressions of Grace at Home

God’s Word calls all the family, parents and children to express love to one another daily in words and actions. Husbands must be in the Word and prayer daily in order to lead the family. I would encourage both husbands and wives to aim to out serve each other. Parents, connect every rule in the family to relationship with Jesus, not simply to fear of punishment.

Parents as the children grow, teach them to make more and more of their own decisions. These decisions should be in keeping with God’s Word and the things they’ve learned from you. Children, remember that obedience is a way to honor the Lord, whether you’re in elementary school, high school or college. Love each other with Christ-like grace.

Encourage instead of Discourage

Colossians 3:21 (ESV) Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Fathers are singled out and instructed not to provoke their children. Provoking means to push or irritate through harshness, inconsistency, or criticism. A child’s heart can become discouraged by a father who is harsh with them. A child needs steady encouragement to flourish and grow into a man or woman of God.

This instruction also applies to mothers but is directed towards fathers and they more often tend to provoke the children. A parent’s words can either build courage or drain it in their children. Grace-based leadership keeps correction anchored in love.

Colossians 3:22 (ESV) Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

In Paul’s day it was common for families to have one or more bondservants living with them and helping with the household. These bondservants were instructed to obey their masters. Not just to please them, but sincerely, fearing the Lord. This principle translates into any environment of authority: workplaces, schools, or homes.

Sincerity and fear of the Lord build integrity. Families that serve sincerely instead of seeking approval create trust. Children learn responsibility best when parents model genuine, joyful obedience to God.

Colossians 3:23 (ESV) Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.

Paul now expands the instructions to everything in life, whatever you do. Whatever we do should be done the best we can for the Lord, not merely for men. Every act in family life, meals, chores, homework, conversations should not be done grudgingly, but as though Jesus was right there, because He is. When families work heartily, they discover that shared effort draws their hearts together.

Application: Build Courage and Work for the Lord

As you grow closer to the Lord by doing everything for Him, you will grow closer to others in your family and in your church family. Replace criticism with affirmation, catch someone doing right each day. Treach children to serve from the heart, not just for reward. Memorize Colossians 3:23 as a family.

Colossians 3:23 (ESV) Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.

As you’re working whether at home or at a job, have a card that reminds you, I am working for Jesus today, He’s my boss. Seek to thank someone else in the family or your workplace for something every day. If you don’t remember anything else from this message, Colossians 3:23 will change your life. Whatever I do, I will work heartily, as for the Lord, and not for men.

Let’s say it together.

Lead with Justice and Integrity

Colossians 3:24 (ESV) Knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Paul now shifts focus from earthly outcomes to eternal motivation. Believers are serving the Lord Christ in everything they do, not human masters. In eternity we will receive an inheritance as our reward for serving the Lord in this life. Our eyes should be fixed on heaven, on eternity, to guide our lives.

Nothing that we do for the Lord will be forgotten, all will be rewarded. This truth should transform how parents lead and how children learn responsibility. When the goal is God’s reward, it makes it easier to work heartily. When we work together for God’s reward, we grow closer to each other.

Colossians 3:25 (ESV) For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

Paul reminds us that God’s justice if perfectly fair, there will be rewards and punishments at the judgement. We want to be motivated by the reward for obedience and turn away from disobedience and its consequences. As parents we must teach our children about both rewards for doing right and punishments for doing wrong. Remembering that God sees and rewards rightly keeps parents humble and children secure.

Colossians 4:1 (ESV) Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.

Authority in any form, whether parental, professional or spiritual is stewardship, not control. Godly leadership means fairness and consistency. We must remember that we too serve a higher Master. Homes led with justice and mercy reflect heaven’s character.

This instruction applies to parents with children, as well as parents in the work force with people who report to them. As our Master in heaven has treated us with love, compassion and justice, so we too most treat others.

Application: Practice Fairness, Model Integrity

Evaluate family rules for consistency and fairness. No favorite children, they are all your favorites. As parents apologize quickly when you are wrong or impatient. Teach your children to do the same.

Treat your authority as a gift to protect, not a right to dominate. Reinforce with your children that God rewards integrity even when no one notices. Teach your children about their eternal rewards for serving the Lord with their obedience. Lead with justice and integrity.

Conclusion: Christ at the Center of the Table

We began this message at the table. For some that table has grown quiet, the laughter replaced by schedules and screens. For others, it’s not just quiet, it’s empty. People eat in shifts, conversations stay surface-level, and connection feels like a memory.

But Christ specializes in filling empty tables. When His peace rules our hearts, the table becomes more than food it becomes a place growing closer. Paul’s words in Colossians remind us that every relationship in the home can be renewed when Christ is at the center. He calls us to love each other with grace.

To let humility and tenderness define how we relate. He calls us to encourage instead of discouraging. To choose patience over pressure. To build courage in our children instead of criticism.

He teaches us to lead with justice and integrity. To remember that authority is stewardship under our Master, not control. That’s how families grow closer to each other, by growing closer to God. So maybe tonight, when you sit at your table, you’ll see it differently.

It’s not just a place to eat, it’s a place to remember. Christ is here and where He is, love grows again.

📘 Continue the Journey

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