Grow in Family Love - John 4

Pastor Dan Walker, PhD, MDiv

Introduction: Concluding the Call to Build Godly Families

Today, we conclude our message series “Growing a Godly Family.” Our message is entitled “Grow in Family Love,” and it brings together everything we have been learning throughout this series. We have talked about growing in perseverance, godliness, and kindness, but love is the quality that truly encompasses all of these traits and gives them their power.

Love is what truly binds a family together, and without love it is impossible to grow a godly family. Because love is so foundational, we need to be sure we understand it rightly and practice it faithfully. To do that, we must begin by grounding our understanding of family itself in God’s Word.

Let’s step back for a moment and ask the question, “What is a family?” Fifty years ago, this question would not have required discussion because the answer was commonly understood. Today, however, we must discover the definition of a family from the Bible, which is God’s Word and the ultimate authority.

What God’s Word says about the family is the truth, and opinions that contradict God’s Word are lies that lead to ungodliness. Because of this, we begin by looking at Jesus’ own teaching on the topic of family. His words establish the foundation upon which all godly families must be built.

Matthew 19:4 (ESV) He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female,

To begin with, every human being is either male or female, and there are no other categories. Not only is your gender determined by your bodily form, but your gender is also determined by your DNA. A female has two X chromosomes, and a male has one X and one Y chromosome.

So-called transgender people are simply mentally ill and need help so that their thinking can be aligned with the gender that God created them to be. This truth is not based on cultural opinion but on God’s design as revealed in creation. When families reject God’s design, confusion and brokenness inevitably follow.

Matthew 19:5 (ESV) and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?

Jesus next speaks of marriage, which is only between one man and one woman. In marriage, the couple creates a new family unit that is meant to be lifelong and rooted in faithfulness. This union is not temporary or flexible but established by God Himself.

Any other so-called form of marriage is not marriage at all. Relationships between two men or two women are simply sinful homosexual relationships. God’s Word makes clear that the laws of a nation are to promote what is right and punish what is wrong, so Christians should oppose laws that promote or condone sinful behavior.

Matthew 19:6 (ESV) So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

God Himself is the one who joins man and woman in marriage. Because marriage is God’s work, it is not to be broken through divorce except in the case of adultery. Marriage is meant to reflect God’s covenant faithfulness and enduring love.

So, what is a family to do in light of God’s design? To answer that question, we look back to what God commanded the very first family. His instructions reveal His purpose for families throughout all generations.

Genesis 1:28 (ESV) And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

The creation mandate is that families should have children, multiply, fill the earth, and exercise dominion over it. This mandate shows that families are central to God’s plan for the world. Through families, God intends to spread His blessing and order throughout creation.

Within this family unit, husbands are to love their wives and wives are to love their husbands. Parents are to love their children, and children are to love and honor their parents. Love is meant to characterize the godly family made up of one man, one woman, and their children.

Because love is so essential, we now turn our attention to God’s specific direction to families concerning love. To grow in love, we must first understand where true love comes from. That understanding begins with experiencing God’s own love.

Experience God’s Love

John 3:16 (ESV) “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

In order to grow in love for others, you must first experience God’s love. God loved the people He created so deeply that He sent Jesus to die so that their sin might be forgiven. This act of love was costly, intentional, and undeserved.

When a person believes in Jesus, they are rescued from eternal death and enter into eternal life. Eternal life is not just about the future; it is an ongoing experience of God’s love that begins now and lasts forever. Without this experience, true godly love is impossible.

You Can’t Earn God’s Love

Romans 5:8 (ESV) but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Christ did not die for people who were good enough, because no one is good enough to earn God’s love. He died for us while we were still sinners and actively rebelling against God. This shows that God’s love is not based on our performance.

Every person has sinned and fallen short of God’s glory. Yet God extended His love to us even in our rebellion. This truth humbles us and prepares us to love others with the same grace we have received.

You Must Receive Jesus

John 1:12 (ESV) But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God,

The one and only way to experience God’s love is through Jesus. You cannot experience God’s love through another person, another religion, or any good thing you do. This verse makes it clear that experiencing God’s love requires receiving and believing in Jesus Christ.

To receive Jesus is to make Him the Lord of your life and to commit to following Him and His Word. When you receive and believe in Jesus, you become part of the family of God. As a child of God, you begin to experience the love God has for His children.

Living to Share God’s Love Within Your Family

Whatever position you are in within your family—spouse, parent, or child—your goal as a believer is to do everything you can so that everyone in your family would also experience God’s love. This responsibility does not end when you start your own family. You still have a responsibility to your parents and siblings to lead them to the Lord and His love.

God’s love is described in Greek as agape love, which is unconditional love. Agape love continues even when the other person does not love back. This kind of love is far more powerful than human, conditional love.

Human love is often based on conditions and responses, but God’s agape love is different. It is the kind of love we need in order to help our entire family experience God’s love. Without agape love, families cannot reflect God’s character to the world.

Love One Another

1 John 4:7 (ESV) Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

God’s Word commands us to love one another, and while this command is directed to the church family, it also applies to our physical families. Everything God commands, He also empowers us to obey through His Spirit. This command assumes that love is possible through God’s help.

We are able to love one another with God’s agape love because we have been born of God. As God’s children, His love is available to us so that we can extend it to others. Loving others is evidence of our relationship with Him.

No Love Means You Don’t Know God

1 John 4:8 (ESV) Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Sometimes people claim that they cannot love certain people, whether in their family or in the church. God’s Word makes it clear that a lack of love reveals a lack of relationship with God. This statement is serious and meant to prompt self-examination.

Because God is love, those who belong to Him will reflect that love. As we grow in our knowledge of God, our love for others deepens. A growing relationship with God always results in growing love for people.

Jesus Is Our Example of Love

1 John 4:9 (ESV) In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.

God’s love was made visible when He sent Jesus into the world. Jesus came on a mission to save sinners, and that mission required His death on the cross. God sent Jesus knowing fully what it would cost.

Because of this, Jesus is our example of love. He laid down His life so that we could be rescued from eternal death and receive eternal life. In the same way, we must learn to lay down our lives for our families and our church family.

Practicing God’s Tough and Sacrificial Love

Loving one another is not simply doing what others want. God’s love is often tough love, which means doing what God wants for another person. True love seeks what is best according to God’s Word, even when it is difficult.

Loving one another includes sharing God’s love with a relative who does not want to hear it. It includes disciplining children so they learn to obey God’s Word. It also includes laying down personal desires so the whole family can grow in God’s love.

Love With God’s Love

1 John 4:10 (ESV) In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

The love we are talking about does not originate in us; it originates in God. We cannot love our family or anyone else with our own love alone. God’s love sent Jesus to be the sacrifice that turned God’s wrath away from us.

God’s love broke through the barrier that separated us from Him and made a relationship possible. As we become channels of God’s love, that same love can break through barriers of sin, unforgiveness, and anger in others. God’s love working through us has transformative power.

God’s Love Motivates Our Love

1 John 4:11 (ESV) Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

As believers, we are recipients of God’s incredible and unconditional love. The more deeply we understand His love for us, the more capable we become of loving others. God’s love sets the standard and provides the motivation.

Since God forgave all our sins, we are called to forgive those who sin against us. Since God loved us when we wanted nothing to do with Him, we are called to extend love even to those who treat us poorly. Reflecting on God’s love fuels obedience.

You Grow in God’s Love as You Love Others

1 John 4:12 (ESV) No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

We cannot see God, and Jesus is no longer physically present on earth. So God’s love is now demonstrated through His people. When believers love one another with agape love, God’s love is made visible in the world.

As we express God’s love to others, His love is perfected in us. We grow in God’s love by actively loving others. Loving others is both evidence of God’s presence and the means by which we mature spiritually.

Conclusion: Growing Together in God’s Love

In every family, people are different, with different abilities, ideas, and opinions. As parents, we are to teach our children to love God and one another. As spouses, we are to love one another as God has loved us.

Families grow in God’s love by worshipping, praying, and serving together at home and in the church family. They also grow by sharing God’s love with those who do not yet know Him. Let us continue to grow in God’s love each and every day.

📘 Continue the Journey

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