Prayer That Changes Us - Matthew 6

Pastor Dan Walker, PhD, MDiv

Introduction: Prayer as a Relationship That Shapes Us

Many believers pray regularly yet feel unchanged and their prayers unanswered. We talk to God, ask for help, and repeat familiar words, yet our hearts remain anxious, distracted, and resistant to change. In family life and relationships, prayer can slowly become something we do out of habit rather than from connection.

What if prayer was not about changing God’s mind but about God changing us? Today’s message is entitled “Prayer That Changes Us,” and it challenges how we understand prayer at its core. Imagine a marriage where one spouse only speaks to the other when they need something, and every conversation becomes a request, a complaint, or a list of expectations.

There is very little listening, very little curiosity, and very little shared direction in that kind of relationship. Over time, that relationship would feel strained, shallow, and disconnected. In many ways, this is how prayer can drift for believers when we forget that prayer is meant to be relational.

We ask, we request, we plead, but we rarely pause to listen. Jesus never intended for prayer to be a spiritual transaction. He intended it to be a relationship rooted in trust and daily dependence.

Psalm 46:10 (ESV) Be still, and know that I am God.

In order to be still, what do we have to do? We have to stop talking and listen, because stillness before God creates space for Him to speak. Listening is not passive, but an intentional act of surrender and trust.

John 10:27 (ESV) My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.

As believers, Jesus is speaking to us and we need to hear His voice. His voice is what directs us in following Him, shaping our decisions and aligning our hearts with His will. If you are a believer, a sheep, then Jesus is speaking to you, and you have the ability to hear His voice in prayer.

James 1:19 (ESV) … let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak,

This principle applies in human relationships, but even more so in our relationship with God. God calls on us to be quick to hear His voice in prayer and slow to speak, allowing Him to lead the conversation. In Matthew 6, which we are going to study today, Jesus gives us a framework that invites conversation.

He teaches us how to speak to the Father, and He leaves space for us to listen, respond, and be changed. Prayer changes us because it draws us into a real, listening relationship with the Father. As Jesus teaches His disciples to pray, He shows us four ways prayer changes our hearts before it ever changes our circumstances.

Pray to Be Seen by the Father, Not People

Matthew 6:5 (ESV) And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.

The prayers that Jesus condemns are prayers meant to be heard and seen by other people, not God. The motive of these prayers has nothing to do with God but is driven by pride and the desire to impress others. Jesus is not condemning praying in public, as He and others did.

He is condemning those who care more about those around them than about God. Jesus, in other passages, encouraged believers to pray for and with one another. The issue here is not location but motivation.

Matthew 6:6 (ESV) But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. ...

Jesus calls every believer to private prayer, alone from others, just you and God. There is no temptation to impress anyone else, only a sincere conversation with your Father in secret. We’ll see as we go on why this secret prayer is essential for every believer.

Matthew 6:6b (ESV) And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

What good is praying privately if you’re not praying with anyone else or being heard by others? Jesus tells us that even though you’re alone in your room, God is there with you. As you obey His command to pray in secret, He will reward you.

The reward of the Father is blessing on your life, first of all for obeying, which always brings blessing. Secondly, it is for building your relationship with the Spirit through prayer. Finally, the reward includes answers to your prayers in God’s timing.

Choosing Private Prayer for a Growing Relationship

Jesus encourages us here and in the rest of the passage to take daily time in prayer in private. Our primary motivation in prayer is to build our relationship with God, not to perform for others. If you’re not spending daily time in private with God, start today.

Prayer needs to be two-way communication, just like with another person. In our relationship with God, we need to listen, and the first and essential way to listen is to read God’s Word. God speaks to us through the Bible, and when we combine reading Scripture and praying daily, we build a firm foundation for blessing and direction in our lives.

Pray with Trust, Not Empty Repetition

Matthew 6:7 (NLT) “When you pray, don’t babble on and on as the Gentiles do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again.”

The Gentiles refers to people who are not believers in Jesus. Most follow some other religion that believes you get to heaven by doing certain things rather than believing in Jesus. One common practice across the world is reciting certain prayers over and over.

People believe that the more times they repeat a prayer, the more effective it is. Jesus tells us again something not to do when we pray. He tells us not to approach prayer as a formula designed to manipulate God.

Matthew 6:8 (ESV) Do not be like them. ...

Jesus tells us not to repeat memorized or written prayers over and over to impress God or get answers from Him. Prayer is a conversation with a person, not a ritual to perform. Repeating requests endlessly would damage any human relationship.

Matthew 6:8b (ESV) for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

Prayer is not about persuading God to do something He doesn’t want to do. God knows what we need before we ask Him, which may lead us to wonder why we need to pray at all. We pray because Jesus tells us to, and because prayer builds our relationship with God.

Learning to Listen Before We Ask

Sometimes, and often more than we realize, what we think we need is not our greatest need. Jesus tells us that the Father already knows what we need before we ask. Perhaps we should ask Him what we should pray about before we begin our laundry list of requests.

There is a time in prayer to be silent and listen for what God has to say. As we listen, we can turn His words into faith-filled prayers. Trusting God’s timing, even when answers feel delayed, is part of learning to pray with confidence and faith.

Pray for God’s Kingdom Before Personal Needs

Matthew 6:9 (ESV) Pray then like this: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.”

Jesus has told us what not to pray, and now He tells us how to pray. Both the contents and the order of this example prayer are important. We are instructed to pray to the Father alone and to begin with worship.

We pray for ourselves and others to honor God as holy. This model prayer begins with addressing and worshiping God, which aligns our hearts before we bring our requests. Worship sets the direction for everything that follows.

Matthew 6:10 (ESV) “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”

This is the first request dealing with the kingdom of God. In heaven, God’s will is done perfectly, with no sin, no sickness, and no brokenness. Heaven is filled with worship and the power of God.

We are to pray for God’s will to be done on earth just as it is in heaven. In Jesus’ ministry, when He healed or set people free, He declared that the kingdom was near. This is where listening becomes essential.

We ask God how He wants us to pray specifically for His kingdom to come. We listen for how to pray for our lives, families, church, city, country, and the world. The Lord’s Prayer is not a complete prayer but an outline that God fills with specifics.

Matthew 6:11 (ESV) “Give us this day our daily bread,”

This verse shows us that prayer is meant to be daily. Daily bread refers to everything we need, not just food. We pray in faith for today, trusting God with tomorrow.

God already knows what we need, and He invites us to trust Him daily. As we listen, He helps us pray for what we truly need to bring His kingdom from heaven to earth in our lives, families, church, and city.

Allowing God to Reorder Our Priorities

We are not meant to pray mindlessly for daily bread. Instead, we are to listen to God for what we truly need today. As we talk with Him and listen, He guides both our prayers and our decisions.

God desires to change us as we pray by reorganizing our priorities. He wants to align our lives and prayers with His kingdom agenda. Prayer is not reading a list to God but engaging in two-way communication with the Creator of the universe.

Pray from a Heart Shaped by Forgiveness

Matthew 6:12 (ESV) “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”

Jesus teaches us to ask for forgiveness but connects it to forgiving others. He instructs us to forgive those who have sinned against us before seeking forgiveness for ourselves. This reflects the heart of God toward reconciliation.

Jesus modeled this on the cross by forgiving those who crucified Him. Forgiveness is not optional for believers; it is central to our relationship with God and others. A heart unwilling to forgive blocks intimacy with God.

Matthew 6:13 (ESV) “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

Here we pray for strength not to give in to temptation. Everyone is tempted, even Jesus, but sin occurs when we yield to temptation. We also pray for deliverance from evil, recognizing that repeated sin can lead to bondage.

Through prayer, Jesus can set us free from sinful habits and destructive patterns. This is why forgiveness and dependence on God are so closely connected. A forgiven and forgiving heart is guarded against spiritual bondage.

Matthew 6:14–15 (ESV) For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Jesus emphasizes forgiveness because of its eternal significance. If we forgive others, God forgives us. If we refuse to forgive, we place ourselves outside the flow of God’s forgiveness.

Choosing Forgiveness for Freedom and Life

We have all been hurt by others, but we must forgive them from our hearts. Saying we could never forgive someone places our eternal destiny at risk. Jesus makes forgiveness a serious matter with eternal consequences.

In prayer, ask God to reveal any unresolved bitterness or unforgiveness in your heart. Forgiveness does not mean what happened was acceptable, nor does it mean God has forgiven that person. God is the judge, and forgiveness frees us from bondage.

When we forgive others, we open the door to our own forgiveness and freedom. A lack of forgiveness destroys our walk with God, while forgiving others releases us from bitterness. As we walk with Him, God delivers us from evil and leads us in freedom.

Conclusion: Becoming Changed as We Pray

Like a healthy marriage, prayer grows deeper when listening becomes part of the relationship. When we stop treating prayer as a list of requests and begin listening to God, our hearts begin to change. Jesus calls us to pray privately and consistently.

Our prayers should put God’s kingdom first, and our hearts should remain open to His direction. As we ask God for forgiveness, we must also extend forgiveness to others. Prayer does change circumstances, but even more importantly, it changes us.

📘 Continue the Journey

Reflect deeper and apply this week’s message with the Message Study Guide — perfect for personal devotions, family discussion, or your Life Group.

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